Wednesday, July 1, 2009

The Chapter One Rewrite Club

Kiwiwriters has a new challenge posted that I thought was too fun to ignore. The challenge is called "The Chapter One Rewrite Club" and the challenge is this: Read and re-write the first chapter of Lord of the Rings and post your re-write on-line. Here I am, posting the first bit.

It runs from July 1st (now finished! I didn't write a thing!) to July 11th.

So, the beginning of Lord of the Rings starts with a Poem:

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

Which I have re-written:

The One Ring - a beat poem

A ring, just imagine, the thing that brings, doom
Like a groom leaving his chick behind in a room at noon
On his wedding day

Rings, three more, says the lore, for Elf lords
Rings, seven more, says the lore, for the Dwarf lords
Rings, nine more, says the lore, for the Mortal lords

Then the one, just the one, no more, says the lore, sits in Mordor
With the dark lord, on his throne, in that dark zone
Like a crone droning on whispering a Zen koan

Pour over the lore and if you can avoid a snore, it will say that the one is more
More than just a ring, but a thing that will bring, the doom to Middle Earth
Like the birth of the dearth, like the door's boom in a tomb
Shutting behind you


Merrilee said...

Very nice! How's the chapter going?

Determinist said...

Hey Merrilee,

Chapter is ok. I read over the entire chapter and decided to add a character who just happens to be in all the right places, listening in etc...

The new character is somewhat clueless and a bit of a drunk, so he's at Bilbo's party, then in Bilbo's house etc.. etc..

Violet said...

Sounds like hip hop!

Determinist said...

Violet - then I have failed.

I was aiming for something like this: